Discipline and balance.

So today was an okay day. I felt kinda crappy earlier because Heather and I grabbed lunch at Burger King. I always get the whopper jr because, honestly, who really *needs* the whopper? Anyway, I got onion rings and a dr pepper (one in a million times i will choose the pepper over a diet something-or-other). After I finished the rings I felt like I needed to purge or something.

Now, gentle readers, I do not have an eating disorder. I have NEVER gotten sick by choice, if you know where I'm going. But I've been beginning to attach a certain emotion to fast food and another to home-made food (well, salads, at least). It's harder for me to accept the fact that I just had a burger with cheese and it won't cause me to never be able to work out. In fact, I made myself work out tonight to prove that to myself. I still tabulate what I eat, and sometimes I "go over" my calorie "goal," but I hope that I never bring myself to that point. And I don't think I will. There's something in psychology, I kid you not, called the "what-the-hell" effect. Not as in the surprise ("What the hell?!"), but in the "who cares, I've killed my day already, I'm going to eat a whole pound cake myself." These are the two extremes that I'm going to work against. I don't want to physically harm myself for making a tiny McDonald's lapse. However, I don't want to overindulge for an entire day just because I had some queso cheese with my tortilla chips, either.

Also, it's been *really* hard not to weigh myself and measure myself. I can tell I'm making progress with my clothing, and that's what I'm going to stick to.

On the education front:
I had my first face-to-face with my Lit Classics class yesterday. It was pretty cool. I met a woman whose brother teaches French at a prep school in Chicago, and I heard back from him today (she let me e-mail him from her email address). My good friend, Meryl, is in the class. And we'll be reading about 6 books that I've read before. I'm hoping my writing won't be totally off, but the prof's expectations for the reading response papers are ... let's just say different. It's supposed to be mostly personal but also include textual evidence. Goodness, this goes against everything I believe when it comes to writing for a grade. I haven't had to stretch my writing skills this much since my Philosophy of Education class. Fingers crossed!