Has it been that long?

Good evening, gentle readers!

As many of you may remember, I am starting graduate school this summer. I am sitting in a small room with a lot of furniture and even more poorly organized junk. It feels so familiar.

I finished my third year of teaching quite well. I, of course, made some mistakes that made me cry and fear losing my job -- but it's me. I worry about that. A lot. Part of me going to school for an advanced degree is to make me better at my job. We shall see!

It's amazing how detached I feel right now. I have the internet at my fingertips and the cutest iPhone in the world ... but everyone's so far away....

If you're reading this and have my number, send me a lovely text, won't you?

so far

I am so sorry that my last post was so negative. For some reason, I have been pretty down, and I can't figure why. I have a really great life, full of amazing friends and family, and I have a job that I love, most of the time.

So this year has proven to be a balancing act, yet again. Second year teaching is a bit better than year one, but I still have a lot of work to do. I've had those moments where I want to scream, but definitely nothing too bad.

I am trying to be more active, which is a challenge with teaching homebound, I went to the gym last weekend and realize that I needed a new ipod, so ordered an ipod touch on thanksgiving. I get kind of nervous when I spend that kind of money, but I'm hoping it will inspire me to go to the gym more often... we shall see..

Thanksgiving was pretty cool - because Dad couldn't book our usual room for the feast, we moved the fam thanksgiving to saturday. I went to Steve's to hang and chow there, and it was a lot of fun. We rocked, of course.

Thinking about events around Thanksgiving, I've realized how much has changed. I like to think that I appreciate change, but there are some things that I just have a hard time coping with - relationships change, and families even change from time to time. I'm looking for the strength and wisdom to accept these inevitable changes and, if possible, learn from them.

Did you ever wonder ...

...if there are people put on this earth to make your life miserable?

I think there are a few. These people think they have some special secret power and know the depths of everyone's soul. The only questions the seem to ask are, "Why don;t you understand my great power?" When really all I can ask is "What the heck is your problem, you annoying jerk?"

I'm trying very hard to make good decisions in my life. I can't say that I've done a bang-up job. I sometimes make the same mistakes twice. But the second time I make that mistake, it's an affirmation that something is terribly WRONG.

I think i developed this sense that yeah, nobody's perfect, and everyone has their good points (even though I don't always voice this opinion). However, that question that always nagged on me was ... well, if nobody's perfect, then how much BS are you willing to put up with?

I'm still finding those borders. Some people have been ousted, and rightfully so.

Summer-ness

So I got a few more items shuffled into my curriculum, so I feel all structured now. I've had many welcome interruptions (and some unwelcome ones. Jerks.), and I think I will have to work on putting together some kind of schedule. July will be a big work month, and then August will be lots of cleaning and organizing.

The birthday was pretty fun! I got Pretty cleaned and then Steve and I went to fabulous Harrahs. I felt very young and vibrant because I didn't need a cane. Then I had some Cheezers Pizza with the wonderful Kelly, who also gave me my birthday blizzard. No single guy blizzards available, so I went with snickers.

I think I'm going to break a record for most movies I've ever watched in one summer. The crew and I went to Transformers 2. I don't understand Megan Fox's appeal, but whatever. Josh Duhamel, though? Hmm, that I can see ;)

Not much else going on -- I'm trying to enjoy my first summer off, and I think I'm doing an okay job!

playing with a full deck, but no table

Oh my goodness, summer is the paradox of my LIFE. I love the break, but I feel like the most useless member of society right now. I'm not working (but I'm spending a little. There ya go, economy!), although I did look for a part-time job for a little while there.

I did get some summer hours approved, which is great because there's a lot of things that I can do to prepare for September. I sat with one of my books open writing out what the mid-chapters covered. I'm still really concerned about my combined class. It' going to continue to be a challenging class with clearly different levels.

I will do a lot of reading this summer, and hopefully a lot of exercising. I'll read a book for French 3/4 (I have about 20 books to read), and then go do something physical. I have my eye on the state park. Mom and I are going to Wisconsin next month (to Baraboo - I'm pretty stoked about it), and I'll take a little excursion to Devil's Lake. Maybe Brandi will be able to drive up for one of those days and go with me.

Oh, and I've been cooking more than usual. Pros: Realizing that my stove/over do indeed still function, saving a little money. Cons: DISHES. I really wish I had a dishwasher, Sometimes, I don't make such amazing food.

The June Bug - Entry 1

Identity


Pretty lady-
How did you get into this debacle?
Did you wake up thirsty?
Were you in need of a song?
I imagine you
in a stupor.
staring blankly
at the slew of slung clothing,
you sitting in shame on your sleeper sofa.
Are you a smoker?
Do you leave that lipstick smudged on your Virginia Slims?
After your show,
you sit at the bar,
blow billowing smoke
from another cig,
whose flaccid ash
dares anyone
to come near its mother.

I sing. I survive.

Pretend this says April.

So a few things have changed and moved forward since my last post. I'm not longer seeing the guy who I thought was being respectful because he did this amazing disappearing act. But that's not a big deal, lots of fish in the ocean, etc.

I have one month left of work for this school year. Well, kinda. I'm hoping to do some summer hours because I have a huge amount of adjustments to make for next year. I'm working on my finals for this semester. I didn't think I'd have any seniors in my advanced class taking the final (the exemption rule makes it really easy for seniors to get out of finals), but because some people decided to slack off, I have no choice.

I think I'm going to try to make a trip to Baraboo this summer -- Devil's Lake is right there, and I just love that hike (the easy one, that is!). I didn't get the time to take a trip over spring break -- i had 4 hours of homebound teaching scheduled.

As ambitious as all that sounds, this girl has been laaazy. I did nothing today, aside from figure out what that jungle mix thing was and watch Tracie Ullman.

Oh, and I got to see Lydia (that cute, cute little niece of mine!) not too long ago! She is still so, so tiny! She's in daycare now, so she has a cold every other week, I guess. It's crazy how many diapers and wipes and laundry one tiny little person can go through. Oh, and I am having the kid call me Tatie, and I speak French to her when I watch her. Bill tells her spanish words. This kids already a genius. I can tell.